“Late Bloomer”

Question

Hi, I’m twenty four and have never dated. I feel really behind compared to other people my age. I recently started going to the gym and taking myself out on solo dates. I want to sort of rebrand myself. How do I put myself out there more and become more confident in my daily life?

Rou’s Response

Babe, let’s start here. You are not behind, and comparing yourself to what others have going on is not what the girl's girl in me wants for you. We all walk in our own steps, at our own pace. Let’s look at the positive side: you haven't had anybody's son wasting your time or hold you back from your goals. That is a WIN/WIN in Roulette’s Rulebook.

You are twenty-four, just like my sister, Rome. So, I’m going to tell you what I’d tell her.

This is your prime, babe! Life should be fun. You focusing on yourself by going on solo dates and going to the gym – THAT’S WHAT I LOVE TO HEAR! The more you find yourself, the wiser you will be once you start navigating dating and even friendships. You won’t play about the woman you’ve worked hard to become. (As you shouldn’t)

And, to be quite honest, a man finding you while you’re focusing on yourself will let him know where his focus needs to be immediately. No exceptions. I say, keep going on those solo dates. If you’re looking to be in the company of males, try reserving seats at tables/bars that men of the caliber you’re seeking frequent. That’s if you want to spice up your solo time, but remember to never compromise it for a man’s company.

During this time of solitude, level up in every aspect of your world. This doesn’t mean spending a fortune, either. It means doing simple things like tossing the plastics in your cupboards and replacing them with glass bowls, plates, cups, and etc. It means tossing the old utensils and getting matching ones. It means decluttering your closet and donating the clothes that no longer serve you. It means showing up fully in every room you grace. It means being vulnerable while also having firm boundaries.

It means having a dedicated nail day each month. It means having a dedicated hair day each week or a hairstylist on call. It means buying yourself flowers weekly and not just sticking them in a vase. Make an arrangement. It means finding a hobby that requires you to get out of the house. And, lastly, it means learning your body, your vagina, your heart, and your head. Together, they will attract the perfect suitor. Until then, become the version of you that feels right for him and the life you aspire to have.

As far as the confidence, what about yourself are you not confident in? Wake up every day with the mindset: you are that girl and will forever be that girl.

Although I don’t know you, personally, I feel like you are that girl in so many ways. And, if you aren’t, then practice the things I’ve mentioned above. Give yourself 60 days and you will be.

xo
-Rou